Supersoft DOA Mask

Grandpa! You look... well, you look terrible, to be perfectly honest. You look like a raisin out in the sun for months. Like Benjamin Button at the beginning of his life. Like old discarded pizza dough. Grandpa, you look like that crumpled shirt left in the closet for twenty years. Like your skull is slowly trying to eat your skin. Like week-old rotisserie chicken. Like an anti-drug poster. Like Gandalf the Grey if he was just Gandalf the Old. What we're trying to say is you don't look well.

Would you like to look like that? Maybe you're a celebrity reading this (Shia Labeouf??) and you want a way to sneak into your favorite club undetected, or even go for a walk undetected. Maybe you're not that old but you want to guilt your kids for not coming to see you as often as they should! Well then this is the mask for you. Don't wait until you actually look like this, get it now and make everyone think you look like this.